Voices That Care
by lalapine
Summary: Phillip and Jamie King are forced to make a decision that brings up old memories


FANFIC SUBJECT - Scarecrow and Mrs. King  
TITLE - Voices That Care  
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell  
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com  
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name & disclaimer are on it  
SPOILER WARNING: I don't think so...  
RATING: PG  
CLASSIFICATION: Story/flashback/romance  
SUMMARY: Phillip and Jamie King are forced to make a decision that brings up old memories  
KEYWORDS: Lee/Amanda married  
DISCLAIMER: Scarecrow and Mrs. King and its characters are not mine. They belong to Warner Brothers/Shoot the Moon Productions and the talented actors who portray them. No infringement is intended. Ditto for the song "Voices That Care."  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've gotten mixed reaction to this story... It's my favorite SMK that I've written, but it is bittersweet since it is set in the future, after Lee and Amanda have died, flashing back to when they were alive... Let me know what you think! :)  
  
  
VOICES THAT CARE  
by Tammy M. Parnell  
  
I can't believe we're finally selling the old place. Forty-year-old Phillip King sat down heavily on the top step of the staircase leading to the upstairs bedrooms. His slightly younger brother, James, joined him as he pushed his thick glasses further on his face.  
  
It's just been sitting here, the thirty-eight year old replied. Might as well let someone get some use out of it.  
  
Don't you miss it?  
  
James sighed. It was a long time ago. It sure brings back a lot of memories, though. Mom always loved this place.  
  
The men were quiet awhile as they contemplated their mother, deceased five years to the date. They were planning to visit Arlington National Cemetery later that day to pay their respects to their mother and stepfather, both killed in the line of duty.  
  
I miss them, Phillip acknowledged as he got to his feet. His boyhood days of racing down the stairs and sliding down banisters were over. Now he had his own kids to enjoy. But something about this place made him feel once again like a little boy. Memories of scout meetings and neighborhood plays flashed through his mind as he visualized his grandmother getting school lunches ready and his mother quizzing him on his spelling words.  
  
We'll always miss them, James agreed. It was so hard when they died; we didn't even see it coming. I didn't get to say a lot of things.  
  
Phillip put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. You didn't have to, Jamie. They knew how we felt.  
  
Yeah. I was hard on Lee at first, though.  
  
That was a long time ago. You were buddies after that. And besides, we were all pretty mad when we found out about the Agency. Imagine, Mom a spy.  
  
James grinned. I wouldn't talk to them for weeks. And Grandma . . .   
  
The men started cracking up; it felt like old times to be back on Maplewood Drive. They were staying with their grandparents while in town. Kirk and Dotty, though well into their eighties, were going strong and lived in a large condominium on the other side of town. The King men would be staying for a week as they closed the deal on the house. Then Phillip would return to his family out in California, and James would return to his small medical practice in New York. A teacher and baseball coach for a large high school, Phillip had to return at the end of the semester break.   
  
It's funny how never a summer went by that they didn't visit their young sister, Jenny, in their parents' second home in Rockville. But something about this place made them nervous. It was where the majority of their boyhood was spent; even Amanda had been unable to part with it when they moved to Rockville a few years after she and Lee were married. It was a good place to stay if either were in town on business, and for awhile, Kirk and Dotty had moved in. Later it was James and Phillip who had taken turns at living independently. But the time came to move on.  
  
The men went into their old rooms, everything in place exactly as when each had left to his respective life choice. Amanda had insisted they would always have a home to return to, and not one thing was moved. Dust covered the shelves, as it hadn't been cleaned for five years. The brothers had not visited the old place since the day of the funeral reception when they'd needed to retrieve something for the Rockville home, afraid of the memories that would haunt them. Now, an unrefusable offer was given them for the sale of the old house, and here they were to pack up the memories and put their childhood and some of their mother's happiest years in storage.  
  
Entering Amanda's and Lee's room was the hardest. Family pictures remained on the bureau and nightstands, clothes still in the closet. Feeling guilty, the men opened drawers and wondered why it had taken them five years to sort through it all.   
  
James said softly as he found a handgun at the bottom of a dresser drawer. No bullets, he remarked as he held the weapon. This was part of his mother's double life, one that still made him feel hurt and anger over the secret of her real job. It was also what had gotten her and her husband killed. They had been investigating some arms dealers and had gotten a little too close. Both Lee and Amanda had been shot and killed.   
  
The Agency sure gave them a banner farewell, Phillip stated. Though they had learned of their parents' secret occupation just a few years after the wedding--the second wedding--it was still a shock to get the call. It was a reality check, and it gave Phillip nightmares for a long time afterwards. Even now they would come to him at times. He hated the Agency for recruiting his mother and having her killed. James hadn't taken it any better, but he kept it inside and refused to discuss it. His mother and Lee were dead; they couldn't change it, so why talk about it? Dotty took it the worst, but boy, would Amanda have glowed to see the look of pride that emanated her mother's face at the double funeral! And when Mr. Melrose, now retired but unable to miss his farewell, handed the the King men the American flag, even he had tears in his eyes. They were the best, he had told them and meant it.  
  
Look at this, Phillip called from the nightstand. Looks like a diary.  
  
James came to his brother and sat next to him on the side of the bed. There were a whole bunch of them in the closet. The men looked at each other and then at the small notebook. They opened it up to see the first entry:  
  
  
October 31, 1990  
  
It was raining all day but cleared up enough for the neighborhood kids to go trick-or-treating. Phillip and Jamie went out with friends while Lee and I stayed home to answer the door. They're so cute in their little costumes. It seems like just yesterday that Joe and I were taking our boys house to house.  
  
Lee says things overseas aren't looking too good. Mr. Hussein of Iraq is trying to take over lands that aren't rightfully his. Lee doesn't think the Agency will be involved. I hope not, as it means Lee may have to go away. Although Mother has seen all the news about Operation Desert Shield, she doesn't know about the Agency and would not understand why newlyweds of one year would have to be separated like that. She and Kirk have been married nearly two years already and are still inseparable. If only she knew about what really happened with Lee and me . . .  
  
  
Maybe she was reading this around the time she died. Phillip wondered aloud.  
  
Go on, James urged, eager to capture a part of his mother's life he had missed. So Phillip kept reading:  
  
  
November 12  
  
Phillip is still looking for a new job. Since high school graduation in June he's been wanting better work to save for college. He insisted on taking a year off from that stuff as he put it and live in the real world for once. I'm afraid he may lose interest entirely in continuing his education if he doesn't stick with it. The money may seem good right now, but where will a job at a convenience store get him?  
  
Jamie is no problem. His midterm report showed the usual A's and he can't wait to start at the university. Biology is his favorite. Who knows--he could be a doctor . . . Paging Dr. King. I like the sound of that.   
  
Lee says not to pressure, and I'm not. I just want my kids to be happy.   
  
November 18  
  
Jonathan brought a big bouquet of roses for Francine today and a singing telegram as well. You should have seen her face! I wonder when they'll get around to getting married.  
  
November 29  
  
I started Christmas shopping yesterday, though Lee insists we have plenty of time. I tell him no one wants any more scarfs from him this year! He smiles that beautiful smile and tells me he loves me, pulling me close. How could a trip to a train station lead to so much?  
  
Mother and Kirk came to the house for Thanksgiving. We were cooking all day, and Lee helped out a lot. He enjoys being part of our family, and everyone loves him, too. Jamie brought his girlfriend over to share dessert. Lisa's a sweet girl, but isn't Jamie a little young to get serious?  
  
December 4  
  
I don't know whether to be proud or scared. My baby has found a job, not one I had thought of. He went today to enlist in the army. It scares me to hear what's going on in the world and to know my Phillip could be there. Relax, Mom, he tells me. You're paranoid. Maybe I am, but I know what I hear, and I worry. Lee is proud, I can tell, and so am I, but I can't help but wish he'd chosen college right away.   
  
December 12  
  
Mr. Melrose surprised us all today when he came in wearing his Santa costume. His friend got sick and volunteered him to go to the hospital charity party. He acts like it upsets him, but I bet he enjoys being Santa. I told Lee he'd make a good Santa's helper, but he says he wouldn't be caught dead in tights. Mr. Melrose laughed and hinted that he was in the market for an elf.  
  
December 20  
  
It was a nice quiet evening at home for Lee and me. The boys went to a Christmas party across town, so Lee and I fixed a romantic dinner and lit the fireplace. It's been over two years since our secret ceremony and nearly one for our official marriage. It's hard to believe everything's going so well.   
  
Later . . . What do they say about knocking on wood? Just as we were heading upstairs, Billy called. A Mr. Farengild needed to speak with us ASAP. We went to meet him in an alley downtown but he never showed up. It didn't seem to be a setup, so maybe something happened to him. We'll know more tomorrow.  
  
December 22  
  
Mr. Farengild was found in the Potomac. We don't know what he wanted, but there have been some threats reaching the state department and it may be connected. No one's worried about rumors of bombs, though. They're all thinking about the real ones about to explode in the Middle East. If Mr. Hussein doesn't cooperate we may be taking harsher action. It worries me to think that after the holidays Phillip will be training for just such operations. If Phillip knew about my real job he would call me a hypocrite. He'd be right, but I'm a mom. Lee understands and worries, too, but agrees we must support our son.   
  
December 24  
  
I love Christmas. The whole holiday spirit just fills me up with happiness. Lee said the sparkle hasn't left my eyes all week. I just laughed and asked him when he'd stopped being such a scrooge.  
  
I was worried Jamie's new CD player wouldn't come in, but this morning we finally got the call that the order had arrived. He would have been so disappointed if he didn't find it under the tree tomorrow.  
  
It's so hard to shop for Phillip. Now that we know he's leaving next week, there's not many things that can go with him. I'm trying so hard to make this a special Christmas for him, his last one at home. Mother and I have all his favorite foods planned, and Kirk said if the weather's nice, he'll take him up in his Cessna. I can't believe Mother will have her own pilot's license in just a few more weeks--she never seemed to have got the hang of driving cars, much less an airplane!  
  
It's so quiet. The lights are dim, and everything is ready for tomorrow. Lee went upstairs to make a quick call to Billy, and I'm just looking at the tree. It sure is the biggest one we've ever had! Lee insisted. I think he's nervous about Phillip going away, too, though he'd never admit it. But Lee's been spending a lot of time with him lately, and they've gotten along terrific. Jamie's been a little quiet. He and his brother have never been away from each other longer than a week.   
  
Lee's back down and telling me to stop looking so worried. He turned on the stereo and wants me to dance. He always knows just what I need.  
  
December 25  
  
I'm exhausted! But today was wonderful. Lee just surprised me with the most beautiful gold pendant with the sweetest engraving. The perfect end to the perfect day.  
  
January 5, 1991  
  
Phillip left the day after New Year's. The house seems empty. Funny, since even when he lived here he was always in and out. Lee's made a point of keeping Jamie busy, best he can. The Agency's called us in the past few days for lots of overtime. We still don't know what Mr. Farengild wanted. Word is that Hussein has no intention of cooperating. I'm afraid that the Agency is a lot more involved than we had planned. No agents have been sent out yet, but if Smyth has his way, it could happen.  
  
Phillip called today and said that all is well. The training is intense, but he's up to it. I hope that if Desert Shield escalates to war, it's soon. The less training he's got, the less chance he'll be sent. Isn't that awful of me? But I can't help it.   
  
Oh, I've got to stop my worrying. Mrs. Lichtenson invited everyone for a picnic this afternoon. If the Agency doesn't need me, I should go. Maybe I'll make a salad . . .  
  
January 10  
  
I've been telling myself it's my imagination. Or maybe just too much worrying. But I'm beginning to get another idea of why I've been feeling so nauseous lately. I made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow.   
  
January 11  
  
I'm pregnant! I think I'm in shock. Lee and I sure didn't plan it, but . . . I wasn't sure what Lee would say, but he's been grinning from ear to ear ever since I told him. So what, he said about it being unplanned. We can work through anything together. He's gonna make such a wonderful father.   
  
You know what? If the baby's a girl, I think we should call her Jenny, after Lee's mother. And after his father, Matthew, if it's a boy. When I mentioned this to Lee he didn't say anything; he just held me close and told me he loved me.   
  
  
  
Phillip said as he rose from the edge of bed, stretching. This is weird.  
  
James agreed. I didn't even realize she had a diary.  
  
Phillip stared out the window in reflection. I'm glad she did. You know, I didn't know she was that worried. She never let on.  
  
Naw, she wouldn't let you know. She didn't want to discourage you.  
  
Phillip turned back around. She was the one who was brave.  
  
No arguments here.  
  
I remember basic training, Phillip said with a grin. It was hell.  
  
James cut in, Especially since it only lasted a couple weeks.  
  
Mom's worst fear. Man, were we all surprised to hear our unit was being sent overseas!  
  
I remember when Mom got the call . . .   
  
  
(January 20, 1991, Arlington, VA)  
  
The nursery is gonna be so cute, Lee, Amanda assured her husband as she flipped through a catalog of baby furniture.  
  
I trust you, Sweetheart. Decorate it anyway you want, Lee smiled next to her at the kitchen table.  
  
Don't you want to help?  
  
Of course I do. I would love to paint the room and set up the furniture and buy disgustingly cute stuffed animals, but I don't know what Billy's calling me in for tonight.  
  
But you wouldn't be gone that long if it's an assignment. Amanda looked casually back down at the catalog. And anyway, it might be for both of us.  
  
Wait a minute, Lee began in the expected tone.  
  
Lee, I am only two months pregnant. I am perfectly capable of going on an assignment with you.  
  
Lee lowered his voice to a whisper. What happens if you get shot? Huh? Amanda looked downward. Please just don't argue. Besides, there's no definite assignment yet.  
  
There will be eventually.  
  
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of, Lee said, resting his hand over hers. I know I can't stop you from doing what you want, and I know you wouldn't do anything to purposely hurt the baby, but I would just feel better if you didn't go away on assignments, stick closer to home, you know?  
  
I could get shot just as easily here as somewhere else.  
  
Jamie glanced over at his parents from the telephone. Hold on a minute, Lisa, he said into the receiver. There's call waiting . . . Hey! Just a second, Phillip . . . Lisa? Yeah, I'll have to call you back. My brother's on the other line. Yeah. See you later . . . What's up? Uh-huh. Yeah they're right here. Hold on. Mom! Lee! It's Phillip. Jamie held out the receiver.   
  
Amanda quickly took hold. Her look of excitement gradually faded during the conversation and wordlessly, she handed the phone to Lee.  
  
What's wrong, Mom? Jamie asked with a frown.  
  
She motioned him to be quiet as Lee spoke with Phillip. All right, son. You make sure to call first thing you get there if you can. Otherwise, pop a letter in the mail pronto. Okay. All right. Be careful. Lee handed the phone to Jamie, and then put his arms around his wife.  
  
It'll be okay, Honey.  
  
Okay? Lee, our son is going to the stupid war! And now you know why I worry about you.  
  
Lee, I always know. But I worry about you, too, she lowered her voice. And our assignments aren't a war.  
  
Look, it's only air right now. It could end without ground troops.  
  
Is Phillip ever gonna come home again? After hanging up the phone, Jamie approached his mother and stepfather who exchanged an agonized look.  
  
Lee tousled his hair. Look, Jamie. Let's not make worries for ourselves. Phillip is just being transferred over there to complete his training. I doubt any unseasoned troops would be out on the battlefield.  
  
Amanda chimed in. And like Lee said, Sweetheart, it's an air war right now. She tried to smile. I guess it's a good thing Kirk never got around to teaching your brother to fly, huh?  
  
Jamie shrugged his shoulders and excused himself to his room. No one believed Lee's and Amanda's assurances. Anything could happen in a war.  
  
***  
  
(One week later, Dulles Airport)  
  
We've been through this before, Amanda.  
  
I know, Lee, but I should go, too.  
  
And leave Jamie all alone?  
  
Amanda conceded. I know. It's hard enough with Phillip there--and now you.  
  
I'm gonna be just fine, don't you worry. Lee squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. This is just a simple courier assignment for me. And maybe I can keep a lookout for Phillip while I'm at it.  
  
I know. That's why you agreed to go.  
  
And I'll be back before you know it.  
  
Good, because we need you. Amanda put her hand over her abdomen. All of us.  
  
I love you.  
  
I love you, too. She reached up for a tight hug and loving kiss. Call me.  
  
You'll get tired of my voice I'll call so much.  
  
  
  
And you take care of yourself.  
  
You bet.  
  
As Lee's flight was announced for final boarding, the couple embraced one last time before Lee ran off to his gate. Amanda waved goodbye with a half-hearted smile. She hoped her husband and son would run into each other. And she prayed both would remain safe.  
  
***  
  
Phillip stared out at the clear midnight sky. He tried to remember the constellations Lee had shown Jamie and him. But even the stars seemed different so far away.  
  
Hey, Phil. What's up? Phillip's new buddy, Ray, joined his comrade on the cool desert sand.  
  
Not much, Phillip replied, looking down from the sky. Can't sleep.  
  
Join the club. The two men sat silently together in that strange land, lost in their own thoughts and hopes and dreams. Both were well aware that a ground war was imminent, and in spite of their rookie status, it wasn't unlikely for them to be called to the front.  
  
Finally Ray broke the silence. Better get some sleep. He held out his hand.  
  
Phillip nodded and accepted the gesture. The comrades headed back to the rest of their unit, knowing tomorrow always came sooner than expected.  
  
***  
  
I know it's been a month, Amanda, but things have come up, Lee tried to explain to his exasperated wife. You know I'd be with you if I could.  
  
Amanda sighed as she settled back down on the living room sofa, telephone in hand. I miss you, she said quietly into the receiver.  
  
Hey, the feeling's mutual. I wish I could be there with you and Jamie, but you know how it is. Smyth keeps finding things for me to do since I'm already here--at the Agency's expense, as he keeps reminding me.  
  
Amanda resigned, At least you and Phillip get to see each other.  
  
Lee smiled. You'd be so proud, Honey. Phillip's grown into a man right before my eyes. He's one of the best trainees in his unit.  
  
I think you may be a little biased, she grinned. Have you met his friend? When he writes, all he ever talks about is Ray this and Ray that. Amanda smiled thoughtfully. I'm glad he's found such a good friend.  
  
Lee acknowledged. Last week the three of us had dinner together. You know, it's a good thing I'm Agency, or I don't think his sergeant would put up with me as much.  
  
And you're both out of danger? There was an extra pitch to his wife's otherwise steady voice.  
  
Lee cleared his throat. Well, we're not in the heat of it. But I won't lie to you, Amanda. Ever since Phillip's unit was transferred again last week, we've been able to see the sky light up at night. It hasn't been close enough to worry us too much.  
  
Amanda said softly. I remember in Phillip's first letter, he talked about how all of you stayed up to watch the SuperBowl.  
  
Lee grinned. Gas masks and all. But really, Amanda, nothing's come close to us yet.  
  
she repeated as she absently held her hand to her belly.  
  
As if Lee could read her thoughts he asked, How's the little one?  
  
Amanda smiled. We're doing fine. Thanks to your talk with Billy, I'm stuck on boring freshman assignments.  
  
So blame me for worrying.  
  
I do. But I worry, too--I just can't give Billy a valid medical reason for you to come home.  
  
How bout a broken heart?  
  
Tears misted in Amanda's eyes and she wiped them away. Aw, Lee. You're so sweet.  
  
Lee grinned. Are those hormones popping in? The line fell silent. Oh no. I'm going to pay for that one aren't I?  
  
You count on it, Buster! But I think you're a little right, she couldn't help smiling. Oh, Lee. When are you coming home?  
  
he promised. You've seen all the reports on TV. This war's almost done with.  
  
I'm not a civilian, Scarecrow. I know what people aren't saying.  
  
Yeah. Well . . .   
  
Don't yeah-well me. Lee, is there going to be a ground war or not?  
  
Lee hesitated only slightly. I think so.  
  
***  
  
Jamie paced nervously across the living room floor, awaiting his mother's return from work. It was all over the news--Schwarzkopf was bringing in the ground troops. He wouldn't worry so much if Lee had called the other day like he'd promised, but five days later he still hadn't checked in, and now this. He knew his mom was worried, though she tried to hide it. There were plenty of reasons why Lee wouldn't be able to call, she assured her son. But all Jamie could think of was one. And if Lee was missing, what about his brother?  
  
Jamie threw an angry cushion at the front door, then smiled sheepishly as his mom made her way through.   
  
Hey, slugger. What happened to baseballs? she asked as she made her way to the kitchen with a bag of Chinese takeout.  
  
It's not baseballs I'm worried about, Mom.  
  
I know, Sweetheart, Amanda acknowledged, glancing at the pictures on the TV. Come here. She motioned to the couch as she switched off the television.   
  
Jamie seated himself beside his mother, glad to have someone else be in charge. I'm worried, he told her.  
  
It's tough, she acknowledged. But so are we. And I can guarantee you Lee is doing his best to come home to us. He's probably hanging back to keep Phillip company. He knows how much we worry.  
  
I don't buy it, Mom.  
  
Amanda sighed. Sweetheart, Phillip has no way of contacting us by telephone, you know that. And mail is so slow. If anything had happened, we would have gotten a telegram.  
  
Jamie stared absently at the blank TV screen. It could still come.  
  
Amanda lifted her son's chin up so they were eye to eye. Don't cause trouble for yourself by thinking about the what ifs.' Right now, anything is possible. And yes, I am worried about your brother and Lee, too. But I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. With a war going on, the communications systems are jammed. A telephone call might be impossible.  
  
But doesn't Lee have special privileges?  
  
Amanda searched her son's eyes. What do you mean?  
  
Well, he's there. I don't know why, and I find it hard to believe it's just cause he's a concerned parent. And don't give me that crock about a photo shoot. Jamie got up quickly, his back to his mother.  
  
Amanda rose and put a comforting hand on Jamie's shoulder. The distraught teen shook it off but turned to face her. Why do you keep lying to us? We're not babies, Mom! I'm sick of it. I know something's going on!  
  
Amanda was speechless for a moment. She motioned to the couch, and both sat back down. I won't pretend, Jamie, Amanda began slowly. There is something, but . . . Have you ever told someone something because it seemed easier than giving a lot of details? Jamie shrugged his shoulders. Like maybe you told me you were going to a friend's house, but you didn't mention that afterwards you were going to a party?  
  
Jamie's mouth hung open. How'd you find out?  
  
Amanda couldn't help smiling. How'd you guess something was up with Lee and me?  
  
Oh. I get it. It was easier to just say I was at Rick's the whole time . . . But I swear, Mom, I didn't know about the party until I got there!  
  
And once you went and I didn't know, why mention it, right? I might get upset that you didn't tell me. So it's easier to keep quiet. Amanda rubbed her ring absently, a reflective tone to her voice. But once you are, it's even harder to tell everyone the truth, no matter how much you want to.  
  
  
  
Amanda looked up, broken from her thoughts.  
  
You can help them, can't you? Jamie's voice was hopeful.  
  
I--I don't think so, Sweetheart.  
  
Look, I know you're worried sick. I can hear you at night. Jamie's guilty look at his mother's surprised face didn't deter him. It made him sick to hear his mom crying into her pillow. So why go through that? Come on, Mom.  
  
What is it you think I can do?  
  
Go look for them. I can go, too, and help.  
  
Amanda's voice was firm. Absolutely not. It's no place for someone with no training. You could get hurt.  
  
You've got training, though, don't you? I can stay with Grandma. But please, you gotta find out what's wrong. Lee would have called, wouldn't he?  
  
He should have, Amanda acknowledged, a growing knot in her stomach. But . . .   
  
But what, Mom? I know you can do it. If they're in trouble, I bet you can help.  
  
Amanda smiled at her son's enthusiasm, wondering just what it was he thought she did. It's not just myself I have to consider, Jamie. She rested her hand over her abdomen. If anything happens to me, it could harm the baby.  
  
Nothing's happened yet.  
  
Aside from a nearly fatal gunshot wound, Amanda thought ruefully. But why not go? I could get clearance from Billy and leave tonight even. I'm not that far along. Lee's been there awhile now, and he's run into no trouble. Until now.  
  
Amanda swallowed, mentally ticking off what she'd have to get done before she left. Lee's counting on me, she said simply. And I'm not about to let him down now.  
  
So you'll go?   
  
I'll go.  
  
***  
  
I wonder if Phillip's okay, Lee thought to himself as he tugged at the chains around his legs. In spite of his capture the previous week, Lee knew that ground troops had been sent out, and the war was raging hot against the desert sand. Amanda must be worried sick.  
  
Nice to finally meet you, a gravelly voice said into the darkness of the hideout. Lee peered at the robed figure approaching him. Allow me to introduce myself, the stranger held out his hand. Amos Farengild. To Lee's surprised face, the man laughed. No, no. Not Robert Farengild. I believe you met him during his swim in the Potomac. As brothers go, he wasn't bad. But when it comes to choosing people versus choosing a cause you believe in, well . . .   
  
What cause might that be? Lee interrupted, trying to ignore his sore ribs. Yesterday's inquisition with the guard had taken its toll, but not a word did Scarecrow divulge. Now it was his turn to find out why he was even wanted.  
  
Farengild smiled, ignoring the question. You must be hot, he motioned to Lee's blue jeans and collared shirt. I prefer robes, myself. It's hard to get used to, but well worth the effort. Farengild was keeping his distance, as Lee had one free arm, though both knew where the power lay.  
  
As a matter of fact, these robes belonged to Saddam at one point. He insisted I borrow them. But you'll survive in that, just not very comfortably.   
  
So that's it, Lee remarked. You're buddies with Hussein. Are you proud of yourself for having so many innocent people killed?  
  
Not nearly enough have died yet. Besides, they should thank me for allowing them to die a noble death. Martyrs have become a thing of the past. Bout time it was resurrected, don't you think?  
  
You're pathetic.  
  
No matter what you think. I'm only interested in what you know. My guards tell me you refuse to cooperate. I'm sure, Scarecrow, a man in your position would have some information to leak to our cause for certain riches.  
  
You make me sick.  
  
Nonetheless, every man has his price. What's yours?  
  
Lee just shook his head in disgust.  
  
Very well. Time will tell. While we're waiting . . . Farengild motioned to the guard nearby. Give another go at him. He'll crack--eventually.  
  
The guard nodded, and Farengild headed for the door but turned slightly to remind the man, The Americans are leading. Our cause will be as good as dead without some information on their strategies. We have got to win this war.  
  
Lee remarked with hostility, a bit out of breath from a recent punch in his stomach, Didn't anyone ever tell you that there are no winners in a war?  
  
My, my. I didn't peg you for the idealistic type. Farengild turned back to the guard. Do what you have to.  
  
***  
  
We're doing what we have to, Phillip, Ray reminded his friend as missiles soared around them. It's what's right.  
  
I know, Ray. But I'm a little worried about Lee.  
  
Me too. He's a cool guy.  
  
Phillip smiled in spite of the circumstances. You know, I'm glad I'm here. Isn't that strange?  
  
We're helping people. I mean, there's a lot in between that, but we are when it comes down to it. It's worth it.  
  
The men fell silent as they concentrated on their work, jumping slightly when explosions hit close. They had already lost two men to the war, one in a training exercise gone wrong, and one on the battlefield. No one wanted to be the next casualty.  
  
Many thoughts ran through Phillip's mind during his hours of fighting. He missed his family and friends back home but was grateful for Ray's company. The two had become the best of friends, sharing things that would have been embarrassing with a stranger. They were together constantly, whether it be playing cards or doing pushups. A war did a lot of things to a soldier, but more often than not, it gave you a buddy for life.  
  
Whoa, you see that? Ray whistled at the crater a hundred yards away that used to be a sand dune. Better than the Fourth of July!  
  
Phillip clapped his friend on the shoulder with a grin. Humor was the best way to deal with such a catastrophe. And never did they think of the people who were at the other end of that crater. They had to go on. They had to have faith that there was a purpose for this war. The alternative was just too frightening to contemplate.  
  
***  
  
Amanda adjusted her robes tightly around her. Underneath she had on more comfortable attire, but it was essential she fit in. She had spent nearly an hour at the market place, and through careful observation, found a few people who spoke English and who appeared to be safe contacts. One had recognized the picture she showed of Lee, and pointed her towards one of the rare buildings on the horizon. She stood near the door now, wishing there was some sort of brush or tree in which to take cover. The last thing she needed was to be caught. Too many people were counting on her.   
  
Billy had been reluctant to grant Amanda's request, but he, too, was worried about his top agent. He hadn't been heard from in nearly a week. And in spite of Lee's request for his wife to stay off the tough assignments, Billy knew Amanda wouldn't put herself in a situation where her child would be at too much risk. And frankly, Billy didn't see much alternative. Amanda had to go; his other agents had their hands full as it was.  
  
So here Amanda was in a strange country in the middle of war, a fact she tried to ignore as she observed a few people entering the building from around the corner. Suddenly she had an idea. She walked right up to the door and knocked, hoping for the best.  
  
***  
  
Jamie, are you sure your mother didn't say where she was going? Dotty asked her grandson worriedly when Amanda had been gone a couple days.  
  
Jamie shook his head and swallowed his mouthful of pizza. Uh-uh, Grandma. She just said there was business she had to do. Jamie had agreed with his mother that no one else should know of her whereabouts unless something happened. Amanda had assured her son that she'd call if she could but was doubtful she'd get through. Above all, she said not to worry no matter how long went by without a call.  
  
So Jamie was doing his best to act like an unconcerned teenager, and was doing an excellent job of convincing his grandmother that nothing was wrong. Still, he couldn't help but worry about his family. It seemed like all the people he was closest to were far away. But Jamie knew his mom needed him to be strong.  
  
Don't worry, Grandma. Mom can take care of herself.   
  
Dotty absently accepted the offered slice of pepperoni pizza and sat down with a sigh. Why did she feel like Jamie wasn't giving her the whole story?  
  
***  
  
Amanda nodded silently as the head guard motioned her to follow him downstairs. Her heart beat faster, wondering if today was the day she would see Lee. In the week she'd been there, it was obvious that someone was being held prisoner in the basement-like room. But until today, her supervisor had not shown her this area.   
  
As she followed him through a long hallway, Amanda was thankful that her idea was working. Pretending to be deaf and voiceless, the guards of the house had taken pity on her and gave her odd jobs to do in exchange for food and a place to sleep. It was the perfect deal, but as Amanda had dusted furniture and helped prepare meals, she was getting discouraged that perhaps her lead had not panned out.   
  
Amanda watched as the man reached into his pocket for a large ring of keys. He knew exactly which one to choose, and as Amanda shifted the weight of the food tray she carried, he led the way through the entrance.  
  
Amanda winced at the still figure in the dark. Her companion tapped her shoulder and motioned to the man and then to the food. He pointed to the door. Amanda nodded as he left, understanding that she was to feed this prisoner, then return to the kitchen area.   
  
Her eyes began to adjust to the dark, and she noticed they were alone. She slipped the key she had been given in the folds of her robes and headed slowly over to her partner.   
  
It's you, Lee whispered as she got close enough to look into his tired eyes. In spite of her robes that covered the majority of her face, he would recognize those eyes anywhere. His Amanda was here.   
  
Lee's moment of relief was tinged with worry. What are you doing here? Are you nuts?!  
  
We're partners, remember? I've come to get you out.  
  
It's easy enough to sneak in. Out is another matter.  
  
Don't worry. I have an idea. Amanda began to walk around the room, observing every detail she could manage in the dark.  
  
What about Jamie? And your mother?  
  
Jamie knows where I am. He's keeping Mother from worrying.  
  
What? What do you mean Jamie knows? How? It was his idea. She turned back to her husband. Here, eat something before they get back. She looked distastefully at the half-stale bread. You don't eat too well, do you? How have they been treating you?  
  
I'll live. Lee's voice softened. What about you? The baby?  
  
We're just fine. Don't be mad, Lee. You know I had to come.  
  
He hesitated only slightly before holding out his unchained hand for her to clasp. I know.  
  
Amanda looked lovingly into his eyes and held his bruised hand to her lips. I wish I could get you out this second.  
  
Feed me my delicacy so you can go. They'll get suspicious. I trust you, Amanda. We'll get out of this one.  
  
***  
  
It's over! Jamie whooped as he did a little dance across his grandmother's living room. Grandma! See! It's over. We won! All right!  
  
Isn't it wonderful, Jamie? Dotty smiled widely and wrapped her arms around her youngest grandson. We made it just fine.  
  
Kirk put a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder. And don't either of you worry. I'm sure we'll be hearing from Phillip anytime.  
  
Of course we will, Dotty insisted. The happy little family stayed in front of the television for a long time afterwards, listening to every detail about Operation Desert Storm, hoping to hear word about when troops could be expected home. But underneath everyone's bravado, they wondered why Lee had not been heard from, and where in the world Amanda had gone.  
  
***  
  
For two nights, Amanda had not heard explosions rocking the sandy ground. The angry voices that echoed against the walls seemed a sure sign that something had happened. Amanda longed to break her silence and ask if the war had ended. But for them to hear her native tongue and find out her real nationality would be signing her death warrant. And because Lee's fate depended on her own, she remained silent, plotting a way to safely make an escape.  
  
Footsteps echoed down the hall, and Amanda continued her dusting. It was unusual for all of the men to be downstairs, and this time a stranger was with them. He was obviously European or American, and Amanda worried he would see through her guise. But he seemed too distraught to do so.   
  
Amanda's supervisor motioned that they were all leaving. The premises would be empty, save for a few servants and a guard. Amanda nodded her understanding, glowing from within. It was nearly dinnertime, and since that one day, solely she had been in charge of serving Lee his meals.   
  
As the men walked passed her, ignoring her, she finished up her dusting and casually walked towards the kitchen to prepare the food.  
  
Soon after, Lee looked up with half dread, half eagerness. The jingle of keys was either the guard who would take him for his daily interrogation, or it was Amanda with his meal. He smiled to see his wife walk through the door.  
  
You look beautiful, he whispered as she carefully locked the door behind her.   
  
It's dark in here, she laughed, knowing her wrinkled robes and covered face must be a strange sight.  
  
You, Amanda, make my day worth getting through. If only we could get out.  
  
We may have our chance. Everyone's gone, except one guard and a few servants. She smiled as she held out her supervisor's big ring of keys. I pretended to have lost my copy of your key. They didn't have time to find another, so they gave me the whole key ring. Let's find which one goes to the chains.  
  
Good thinking--as usual. Amanda smiled as she tried out different keys. I think it's one with a small top, Lee remarked. She nodded and tried a few more until a satisfying click was heard.  
  
she said gratefully. You're out. Quickly she unlocked the remaining chains and rubbed Lee's sore wrist and ankles. He was free.  
  
He stood a moment just gazing lovingly at his wife. You know what I want to do?  
  
she looked up from his wrist.   
  
Amanda smiled as Lee gently ran his hand along her face. Leaning closely, their lips met, a greeting long delayed. Lee held her tightly against him.   
  
Amanda said softly into his ear, Not being able to hold you was the worst.  
  
With a final squeeze, Lee released her. We're gonna make it. All three of us.  
  
You bet.  
  
Guess again. The agents turned quickly. Neither had heard the guard unlock the door. He held up a key. Looking for this? I see miracles do happen, eh? Must be nice to be able to finally talk.  
  
Amanda was speechless, caught in a trap. She mentally kicked herself for leaving the key where it could be easily found. Lee stood beside her, waiting for the man's response.  
  
I take it you work with him? Farengild sure will be surprised to hear this one. Come on. Unaware that Lee's ankles were free, the man grabbed Amanda's wrist to lead her away. Lee stuck his foot out and tripped the unarmed man, quickly grabbing his key and leaving the room. The guard was locked within.  
  
Amanda and Lee clasped their hands tightly together as they crept along the deserted hallway. Amanda felt his pain as Lee tried his best to move carefully along. His days of captivity were evident by his heavy breathing and stiff movement. As they reached the opening to the main portion of the building, Amanda slowed down.  
  
Why don't we take a break?  
  
You've got to be kidding.  
  
Can you make it?  
  
I've got to. Come on.   
  
Amanda didn't protest, much as she'd have liked to. Instead, she followed her partner's lead and peered out the long window. The men were gathered outside, evidently waiting for the guard. Farengild looked ancily at his watch. He turned to the door.  
  
Lee shouted. He and Amanda, who had been hiding behind the door, swung it hard into the man's surprised face after he had opened it. He went out like a light. Lee grabbed for his gun and pointed at Farengild's barely conscious head. He looked up at the waiting men who had been ready to pounce.  
  
One move, and he's dead. Amanda?   
  
Amanda took the gun from Lee as he disarmed the other men. Finding a communications setup in the waiting jeep, Lee managed to get through to local authorities. Farengild and his men would end up exactly where they belonged.  
  
As Lee walked over to stand by his wife, he noticed Farengild's eyes begin to flutter. Well, you know what they say, old boy, Lee remarked with satisfaction. What goes around comes around. Aren't you glad you get to be a martyr for your cause? I hear it's quite rare these days.  
  
Farengild merely grunted before completely passing out. Lee grinned at his wife. It felt good to back in charge.  
  
***  
  
So they were sent home already? Amanda questioned the man in charge of her son's unit. After the skirmish had been settled back at the building, Lee led Amanda to where Phillip had been stationed. It was practically deserted.   
  
The sergeant sighed as he recognized Lee. We lost four men. More like boys really. Seeing Amanda's look of worry, he quickly added, Your son's just fine, Mrs. Stetson. However, he cleared his throat. Phillip did not go back with the others yesterday as he should have.  
  
Why's that? Lee wanted to know.  
  
Remember Ray Hernandez?  
  
Lee nodded, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Amanda answered, recognizing the name. He's Phillip's friend, isn't he?  
  
The sergeant nodded, the lines on his face drawn tight. Killed the last day of fire. He almost made it. Your son took it pretty hard.  
  
Amanda could suddenly feel her son's pain as she looked at Lee. A memory of a long ago friend codenamed Dorothy filled Lee's mind as he put an arm around his wife's shoulder. Do you know where he might be?  
  
The sergeant nodded. Follow me.  
  
***  
  
Phillip sat silently, staring at the bright moon as he and Ray had many a night for the past two months, though it had often been intermixed with flashes from man-made missles. But now it was only Phillip.  
  
The sand was cool, especially the deep imprint of a missile that had struck his friend. Phillip's feet rested in the impression, wondering how just a few feet away, he had escaped with only some minor burns.  
  
He heard a shuffling in the sand, and even without turning around, he knew it was his mother. He didn't stop to wonder how she'd come to be there, just kept staring at the sky as he felt her sit down beside him.  
  
I wish I knew what to tell you, she began simply, following his gaze to the heavens. I wish I could always protect you, especially from a hurt like this.  
  
Phillip finally allowed the silent tears to fall. It should have been me, he choked out.  
  
Oh, Sweetheart. Amanda held him in her arms, knowing that becoming a man overnight never completely erased the little boy. I know it hurts.  
  
The mother and son sat in silence for awhile before Phillip finally spoke. We did this every night when we could. Ray didn't know any constellations, so I showed him. We made a game of it. We saw a lot of pictures in the clouds, too. We were always looking up, the idea of Phillip's last statement had just occurred to him. He turned to his mother. He had so many dreams, Mom. He was gonna be a teacher. He grew up in a poor neighborhood, and when he finally worked his way out, he knew exactly what he was gonna do. He wanted to help encourage kids that they could do anything. But now . . . His voice trailed off.  
  
It seems to me, Amanda said slowly. That maybe Ray already impacted quite a few people.  
  
Phillip looked at her quizzically. Yeah. I think maybe he did. Phillip returned his gaze to the bright night sky. He grinned in spite of himself. There's Snako.  
  
  
  
Ray said Draco didn't look anything like a dragon. He said he'd call him Snako cause that's what it looked like.  
  
Amanda returned her son's half-smile. He was very special, wasn't he?  
  
He was the best, Phillip said in a whisper, absently feeling the sand fall between his fingers. Twilight gleamed over the horizon in bittersweet beauty. It was the end for many things, yet a new beginning wasn't far from coming.  
  
  
(Present Day)  
Phillip stared out the window, remembering the night his friend was killed. He was the best, he remarked, setting the diary back down on the dresser. I'm surprised Mom wrote about that night. It didn't seem important.  
  
But it was, James commented as he rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. I wish I could have known him. He sounded like a great guy.  
  
I never talked about him. Phillip sounded apologetic. I guess it hurt too much.  
  
It was easier to just remember, James understood. And you sure did, huh?  
  
Phillip grinned, thinking of his young son, Ray, waiting at home in California. Phillip had never forgotten his friend. And the more he had thought about it, the more Ray's stories in the Persian Gulf appealed to him. Phillip had gone on to become a teacher, and Ray's promise of reward hadn't been understated. Though monetary reward was often not part of the deal, Phillip was quite happy with the path he had taken.  
  
Phillip smiled at his younger brother. Remember when I wanted to be a professional race car driver?  
  
James grinned. Well, I wanted to be a brilliant scientist and discover a cure for--everything. The men laughed. Mom used to let us do those awful experiments.  
  
And now Karen and I have to put up with our son doing them!  
  
Jamie fell silent.  
  
How's Lisa?   
  
Huh? Oh, she's fine. We're thinking we may have to move to a bigger office space. And maybe even take on some more staff.  
  
Good money.  
  
  
  
Good for raising a family.  
  
I guess.  
  
Get off it, little brother. When are you going to ask Lisa to marry you?  
  
What? Who said anything about marriage?  
  
Who needs to say anything? I can tell. I'm your big brother, remember? I know everything.  
  
Not quite. James grinned. I bought the ring yesterday. I just wasn't exactly in the mood to ask her yet. You know, coming out here and all.  
  
Phillip remembered what they were doing at the house. What are you going to do with the money?  
  
James glanced around the room. I dunno.  
  
Me neither.  
  
  
  
  
  
Why are we doing this?  
  
Because . . . it's right, I guess. We never come here. We've got our own homes. Jenny lives in Rockville. None of us needs it. The only reason we don't come here is because, well, it's hard.  
  
Mom never came here either, not much anyway. She'd stay for work or whatever, but . . .   
  
But she never sold it. Why not?  
  
Phillip shrugged his shoulders. Too many memories. It is a nice house.  
  
James agreed quickly. Not like it's run down or anything.  
  
Well, that's why they want to buy it.  
  
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
Having second thoughts?  
  
Yeah. I mean, there's no reason why we can't use it. When your kids grow up, maybe they'll want a place to go to try something new. Hell, maybe we'll need it some day.  
  
You know what we're trying to do? Exactly what I did back in 91. I tried to forget the memories cause it hurt too much. I think we're trying to sell the memories, not the house.  
  
I don't want to do that. I don't want to forget this.  
  
We won't. We can't. You know, it's not the house so much. It's the things in it and the things that happened in it. We're creating our own memories in our own homes, our own families. Or soon-to-be families.  
  
What if she says yes?  
  
Then you marry her, you dope! Phillip laughed.  
  
I mean, well, I've got a studio apartment, you know. And Lisa lives above the office. If we got married, things would get kinda small, huh?  
  
Phillip grinned. And you'd need to find a new place?  
  
Uh-huh. This would be nice. James looked critically around the room, his mother's for so long. It'd be kind of weird, though. But once we sort through everything . . .   
  
Phillip summed up. Mom would approve.  
  
Now if only Lisa agrees! James moaned in anticipation. I think I'm nervous.  
  
Should I fix you warm milk like Mom used to?  
  
Very funny . . . Hey, did you finish this? He motioned to the diary.  
  
Uh, I think so. Phillip picked it up. No, wait. One more entry. The men settled back on the bed. he handed it to his brother. You read.  
  
James smiled in fond reminiscence as he read his mother's familiar handwriting:  
  
  
July 18, 1991  
  
I've been reading over this diary. It's funny that I've stayed away from it for so long. So much has happened.  
  
I was so worried about my Phillip back then. But he's been brave. Even after his experience in the Middle East he kept up with his service. I'm thankful he's back in this country, closer to home. He's even talking about college.  
  
And there's Jamie, my little boy. He's growing so fast. He'll graduate next year and is hoping for a scholarship. I know he can do it. But life sure does seem to go by fast.  
  
I wonder what's in store for little Jenny? She's not even born yet, but I know she'll go on to do great things. When I married Joe I never dreamed of the kind of future I have now. I just wanted everyone to be happy and safe. I've learned I can't protect my kids all the time, but I sure try my best. I guess some things they've got to decide for themselves.  
  
One thing Lee and I have decided is that it's finally time for our own place. I remember when we were engaged--Lee kept talking about ranches and horses and fancy homes . . . I just wanted him. But now our marriage is a fact, not a secret. Phillip is out on his own, and Jamie will be next year. Lee's been in the classifieds, scouting out the Rockville area again. By the time Jamie graduates, we'll have found our dream home.  
  
Funny, this was my dream home so long ago. Then came the divorce. But I never once thought of leaving it. It was our stabilizing force. Joe may have been in and out all the time, but he always had a home to come back to. And after he left for good, Lee came along. Then I was off playing spy--as he called it at first--knowing that no matter how tough the assignment, I could come home. Mother and the boys would be here, and somehow we'd keep going.  
  
And even now that Mother's with Kirk, and Phillip's stationed in another state, and Jamie'll be away at college, I know this old house will be here for me, for all of us. That's one reason we've waited so long to move--I told Lee I could never sell it. He asked no questions, just wrapped me up in his wonderful arms and agreed we would wait. Does Jenny know what a terrific daddy she's getting?  
  
Jamie's beginning to wonder about both his parents. Funny how he didn't pursue the subject of my job when I got back from the Middle East. I suppose he was just happy to see us all safe. Now he's hinting around again, and I think Lee and I will have to call a family meeting. The boys--or should I say men?--have got to know the truth. I wonder how they'll react.  
  
When Phillip visited last week, he and Jamie were so cute arguing over who would be the best big brother. I know they were joking around, but I think they're excited, too, at the prospect of a new little sister. I'm so glad to see Phillip happy again. It was so hard for him when he got back from the Gulf. He didn't want to talk about Ray, which I understand. We only brought up the subject once, and that was when Lee told Phillip about his own training and his friend, Dorothy. I think it really helped.  
  
I can hear Lee and Jamie outside now, playing basketball. I should be out rooting for them. But a song I heard on the radio a little while ago reminded me of this diary and how I've been slacking off in the writing department. So why not fill up the rest of the pages? Then I'll be inspired to start a new one, and who knows when that may be complete!  
  
It was the most beautiful song I heard, a compilation of famous singers who got together and performed this tune for the troops in the Gulf. I, of course, hit the record button, and I plan to play it for Phillip when the right time comes along. I think about all he's been through, all we've all been through. It's been quite a few months. Hey, admit it, Amanda, it's been quite a life! But I know it's worth it. And I can't wait for my kids to realize it, too. There may be a lot of hurt out there, but there's so much more joy that I can't imagine having any regrets.  
  
You know, I don't want to forget those lyrics, so I'm recording them here, to the best of my ability. Maybe someday when I leaf through the yellowed pages of 1991, this song will remind me of so much more:  
  
Voices That Care  
Performed by Voices That Care  
  
Lonely, fear lights up the sky; can't help but wonder why  
You're so far away  
There, you had to take a stand, in someone else's land  
Life can be so strange  
I wish, you never had to choose, to either win or lose  
We could find a way  
But I, won't turn my back again, on a route to fame  
So hurry home to you there  
  
Stand tall, stand proud; voices that care are crying out loud  
And when you close your eyes tonight  
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright . . . Hurry home  
  
I'm not here to justify the cause, or to count up all the loss  
That's all been done before  
Just can't let you feel alone, when there's so much more at home  
We're sending out to you  
Oh, the courage that you've known, the bravery you've shown  
Clearly lights the way  
We pray, to make the future bright, to make a wrong thing right  
Right or wrong, we're all prayin' you remain strong  
That's why we're all here and singin' along  
  
Stand tall, stand proud; voices that care are crying out loud  
And when you close your eyes tonight  
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright  
  
Stand tall, stand proud; voices that care are crying out loud  
And when you close your eyes tonight  
Know in your heart how our love burns bright  
  
You are the voice and the guiding light  
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright  
  
  
  
James had given the book back to his brother when it came to the song. Now, Phillip slowly shut the yellowed pages of 1991, as his mom had put it so many years ago. He smiled thoughtfully to himself as he remembered the last words she had written.  
  
It does, Mom. It does.  
  
THE END  
  



End file.
